Enthusiastically changes their location/career path every 4-6 months, which can usually be predicted by reviewing their recent Pinterest activity.
Just loaned their current significant other a large sum of money, and are 2 weeks from being ghosted on. History dictates a 60/40 chance that said SO will steal INFP’s TV and new blender as well.
Has a folder packed to the gills with spreadsheets that account for every aspect of their life, with itemized debits and credits, short and long term goals, qualitative and quantitative data ranking each stage of their lives, etc. Notorious for saying “I told you so” everytime you falter with your own finances.
Won’t let you being broke pass as an acceptable excuse for not attending their weekly happy hour, but conversely, can’t pay their own rent each month, without fail. They are not humored at all by the irony of the situation when you bring it up.
Will take it as a personal attack when they overhear you say that you don’t know how to balance a checkbook, and will send you a Google calendar invite for the following Saturday afternoon so they can teach you.
Reluctantly holds a counseling session with a stranger they met on public transit, who just got laid off, and ends up missing their stop.
Will tell everyone each others credit score, salary, and rent, in an attempt to make sure everyone can afford to partake in group activities.
Is good with their money, but hasn’t gone on a vacation in 5 years, because they keep giving loans out to everyone, including INFP’s ex. They pretend to be cool when you continuously don’t pay them back, while also spending money right in front of them, on dinner, drinks, clothes, etc. Just be prepared, because if the Purge ever becomes a reality, they will murder you. In your face.
Has an increasing, crippling shopping addiction that you won’t know about until they are evicted for not paying rent, and ask to stay with you, because they’ve also maxed out all their credit cards.
Is an “intern,” with a downtown loft, the latest iPhone, and a worn in box set of their favorite cancelled television show. Will scoff when you imply any piece of furniture they own is from ikea. Doesn’t understand why you can’t just ask your parents to put money in your account so that you can do whatever wildly expensive thing they want to do.
Just got promoted to Engineering Team Lead at their eco-friendly, light-fixture startup. Immediately asks for a week off so they can celebrate the achievement in Miami with his “Boys” from college.
In between jobs because he got drunk and said something racist at a company party, and refuses to admit wrong-doing when called into the bosses office on Monday. It’s okay though, his dad is a lawyer and knows a friend who is hiring for a position he isn’t qualified for, but nepotism, am I right? He was a legacy in the same frat as ESTP and ISTP.
Casually networks the shit out of your housewarming party, wakes up with 12 competitive job offers.
Met her at your sister’s bachelorette party, and promised to introduce you to her best friend, an editor at Vogue. When you see her at the wedding she is trashed and hooks up with two different groomsmen. No matter how many emails you send, she will never reply.
He is a Yoga instructor at several studios around the city, and bases his entire standard of living around his biggest expenditure: Pot. He always wants to go out, but doesn’t like making plans. If you ask him more than once to confirm his attendance for something, he will get aggressively, and unnecessarily upset about how much you expect of him.
Makes the most of anyone in the group, but will draw blood if anyone suggests splitting the bill evenly, instead of paying only for what everyone ordered, down to the penny. It’s alright though, they already did the math.
Nick Moutvic is equal parts loud Chicagoan and Editor-In-Chief of Culture Stocked; A self-identifying sci-fi nerd, Nick is weirdly proud of the fact that he still fits in t-shirts he owned from before hitting puberty, and gets jarringly emotional watching film and television trailers. His book, That Could Have Gone Better, is about his attempts at balancing adult responsibilities with an affinity for 2 a.m. taco runs, and is out now on Amazon and Kobo.